Love, Thoughts, Feelings and More

mountains are graceful yet empowering. they help devide borders, hide evil, cast shadows upon the land yet are ever beautiful. the way clouds cast shadows upon these giants is impressive. when i look at a range of mountains i can not help but stay in awe at how graceful yet terrorfying they are. to wake up and be able to look upon such beauaty is undescribable. every mountain more beautiful then the next. none are as beautiful as the rocky mountains. denver…the mile high city as it is known, is surrounded by these monsterous beauty’s. mountains stand the test of time and will endur even after the reign of humans. mountains are so very glorious and beautiful. they can be bare with just a snow cap or covered in green. as i am driving across the country the merry thoughts of s girl press upon my mind as if a flood were striking me down. these thoughts of her along with the mountains that now surround me as if they were readying themselves for an ambush bring me happy thoughts of merriment. these beasts strike no fear in me and have only captured my imagination. loving every second i spend gazing at these mountains as if it were my last days.

i sit here and think about:

what basic is going to be like

will i survive basic

can i stop being lazy and get back into working out

could i kill someone

could i handle putting myself on the line for everyone and falling in the line of duty

would i become a coward and cry out for my momma or stay in the right mindset

what does tomorrow hold for me

what drama will i encounter tomorrow

will i get out of this house tomorrow

will i get out of this house today

can my friends hangout

will i finally get that call ive been waiting for

who will i talk to today

if i cried would anyone be there to wipe the tears from my face

if i destroyed something or set something on fire would anyone notice

what time will i wake up tomorrow

what time will i go to sleep tonight

who will i hurt today

will i care after i hurt that person

would they forgive me or hate me

should i kill myself

would anyone notice if i killed myself

how should i kill myself

should i slice up my wrist

should i swallow pills

should i slice my throat

step out into traffic

stick my head in the oven

hang myself…….

thats only part of what i think on a daily basis

i sit here

If i were to write one last letter before i died this is what it would say

Dear loved one’s,

this will be the last time you hear from me. to all my family i love you with all my heart and wish you all to be happy. to my friends i will miss you greatly as im sure you will miss me just as much if not more. there are some of you i want to thank.

Grandma you were always the one who could make me feel better. ive loved you for so long and im so sorry that i am leaving this eath ahead of you. i will watch over you and say hello to great grandpa and grandpa for you. you have helped me through hard times and always given me as much as you could give and more.

Sierra, Flo, Lily, Priyanka, Tim, Billy, Pat, Koz. you have told me things i never figured i would hear. you have shared your friendship with me and given me stories and memories that i could never forget. your advice and skillful ways of cheering me up have been apreciated. some of you more then others have shown me just how much you care about me in the smallest ways but they have made big impacts on my character. i’ve never forgetten the time we jumped the camry over the train tracks. or the times we went to sycamore. had those nights were we were drinking or just plain old hanging out. those times we went on moco and cause havoc or when i needed advice on my relationship and you helped me through it. these times have never been forgotten and have always kept my heart warm even in the coldest of times. i thank you all for making my life so much better then the average persons.

Brittany…the thought of you near me makes my heart skip. you have shown me just how much someone can care and what someone can do to help. we had so much in common and i could be in the worst of moods, absolutely angry at the world and just the sound of you voice calmed me down. you have this heavenly control over me that makes me jump at the chance to talk to you. those lonely weeks i wasnt able to talk to you were troublesome weeks. i dont know how you do what you do to me but you have had my heart for sometime now. i had tried to forget how i felt at times but nothing worked. i come to you for advice  hoping that i would only see you as a friend and as someone i can talk to when i need help or if i just want a friendly conversation. truth is there is nothing i could have done to stop my feelings for you. im sorry that im telling you this now after my life is taken. ive thought about you this way for weeks. about how beautiful you are, your eyes catch mine in a deadlock with such great power that i have to fight not to look into you eyes. your long brunette hair looks so soft and lush. the more i write this letter the more i wish im not. i hate to write these things for fear that i will push you away and thats not what i want to do. its not love, but more a strong crush. my feelings are strong and my heart stronger but these things are no more because i have perished into the oblivion. the great beyond and there is no coming back. you are the closest person in my heart. you have understood me better then anyone else. i wish i could have had one day with you. i shouldnt say that, because if i want one day then at the end of that one day i will want another day. i have always wanted to be more the just friends with you. you are the most amazing girl i have ever met.

im sorry to everyone that i have not lived longer to tell you all this in person but i want you all to know this so i wrote this letter in hopes it would bring you all comfort. i love you all and hope that you all remain safe healthy for many years to come.

love,

   Robert

im becoming something i cant recognize anymore. this hate is boiling inside me. i have a rage that cant be matched. no one is safe from my anger. each day i go further and further into this angry mess that i have created. but when the anger boils over i dont know what will happen. i dont know who i will hurt. im not sure of anything anymore. all i know is that love is killing me, friends are getting hurt by me, my reputation is going to be destroyed and trust will be a thing of the past. The Demon has been born and will surface soon! while im still myself let me apologize in advance for what will come of my future self.

Reblog if you didn’t smoke weed today.

Reblogged from stray-d0g

imnickiminaj:

…..

 im a day late but i didnt smoke yesterday or today lol

(Source: ohdamnitsroberto)

my world is dead. burnt to a crisp by a DREAM wish. why cant a wish be granted to the ones who deserve it the most? why do these things go unaswered? my life is a waste. one failure after another and my life force is just being drained. people are always so demanding but when you ask for something in return they treat you as if they had never met you. fuck stupid hoes and their bitchy attitudes. all i want is to fall in love and have that love returned. but i guess that is just too hard for girls to do. they all like to play games and make you feel like shit. there is no one girl that i am talking about. i see the same attitude from all girls wether they are willing to show it or not. i feel like charlie sheen going on random rants about things that no one will care about but they still need to be said and heard wether people listen to them or not. the world is fucked. America is destroyed. Liberals are taking over, people dont care about politics anymore. they look for things to bitch about just to bitch. they say things about our soldiers that they shouldnt say. ive heard about idiot liberals going to soldier funerals with signs saying “thank god for dead soldiers” “God hates America” and the worst part of these people is that they are part of a church. A church!! how do people who claim to follow the word of the lord chant at soldier funerals these slanderous accusations. i didnt enlist just to be told that i am basicly worthless because i feel the need to protect these idiots. i enlisted because i want to serve my country and feel honor that i am doing something that they are incapable of doing. i want my country, The United States Of America to be safe from those who would want to hurt or destroy this great nation. i have faith that America will prevail and get through these hard and difficult times as we are a adaptable people. if the people are smart they will not Re-ellect Obama. he is incompetent and still untrained, he has not the right skills nor mind set to be President. God willing, Donald Trump will run for president and save this great country from the doom it will surely meet with Obama at the helm. my time of service to this great nation will be for 3 years. i will serve my country well and might re-enlist if i enjoy the discipline and great honor that is bestowed upon me. i love my country and those of you who i consider friends are like family to me. there isnt much that they dont know about me and if they ask i tell them. and of course my family is loved.

SLIPKNOT! SOAD! STICK TO YOUR GUNS! AUGUST BURNS RED! OCEANA! ESCAPE THE FATE! FFDP! INFLAMES! AND THE SOUND OF GUNS MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WHEN IM ANGRY, MAD, SAD, DEPRESSED…..BUT THEY NEVER MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY…

ADD AS I LAY DYING! ALEX IS ON FIRE! AVENGED SEVENFOLD! BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE! AS BLOOD RUNS BLACK! DISTURBED!